Life Lessons in 2020

This new decade certainly is not starting off how anyone could have imagined.  For me, it's been rough and this morning when I woke up I received that gentle reminder; life can change in the blink of an eye!  Coming into the new year/decade, I was excited with great expectation (still am) and hopeful to see what God has in store for me and my family (again, still am).  But my goodness, how this began is sad and crazy; illness, disease, and death.  However, I rebuke this!

On Saturday February 1st, my daughter thought she had food poisoning and based on what she explained, I went along with it.  She needed help taking care of her boys, my 3 grandsons, so I headed over to help my daughter in need.  I always have the absolute best time with my 3 lil guys so it really was no big deal for me.  It was again, another wonderful adventure at the Greer house.  My daughter slept most of the day and when her husband returned home, I headed home to relax because those boys wore me out!!  The following day, I went about my normal routine and everything was fine.  Later that night, my daughter sent me a text saying Dominic was now vomiting so this probably wasn't food poisoning...Oh crap!  Within an hour of her texting me, my stomach began doing flips.  Instead of panicking, I just went to sleep.  I tossed and turned the whole night because my stomach was cramping, but nothing was happening.  My alarm went off at 7am and then it began.  It was coming out of both ends for 2 days and needless to say, I was weak and couldn't work for 3 days even though I work from home.  I had enough energy to walk to my couch just so I could get out of my bed.  Like most viruses, it ran its course and I was better by the weekend.

On Saturday February 8th, I called my mom in Colombia to say hello and towards the end of the conversation, she informed me she had not been feeling well and was pending some test results.  All she said was they found something on her pancreas.  My reaction was "oh shit."  It was a somber weekend for me since I was still recovering from being sick and then she dropped that on me.  On Monday February 10th, my siblings and I received the text that would change our lives; mom has pancreatic cancer and there are lesions on her liver, which means it spread.  I can't even begin to tell you what I felt or thought in that moment, but since I work from home, I was able to walk around restlessly and pray out loud, but I didn't cry, it just wouldn't come out.  I called my co-worker because I had to talk to someone in that moment.  My sister Gloria called me shortly after and we talked for a while, but I still didn't cry.  After we spoke, I finished my workday and did the best I could with limited focus on my work.  Later that evening, after some quiet time, I called my friend Thomas.  He met my mother 9 years ago so I knew of all the man friends I had, he could understand the best.  I finally sobbed on the phone and he just listened.  That was exactly what I needed, someone to just listen and allow me to vent and cry until I could not anymore.  He then spoke to me and comforted me from afar, but I felt his love.

On Wednesday March 4th, (my youngest grandsons 1st birthday) a week after my mothers biopsy, the results came in and they were bad.  My moms cancer is terminal.  Chemo could buy some time, but quality of life would be impacted.  The 2nd opinion results came back on Monday March 9th; same thing except the PET scan revealed the cancer spread to her lungs.  In just 4 weeks, this vicious disease has been eating away at my mother and there is nothing we can do.  I did go to NY and spent some time with her that I am so much more grateful for now, but living in SC it's difficult to receive this news and feel helpless because there is nothing I can do from here.  Now, the Corona virus is a pandemic making travel difficult.  Sadly, my mother wanted to go back to Colombia, but while waiting for answers, Colombia has now closed their borders until May 30th.  Will my mother live until then to make it back home?  I believe in my heart, that is where she wants to be, but until this Corona virus is contained and we "flatten the curve," we will not know what her final days will be like or where she will be.  For now, she is in NY with my sister and the millions who are home in quarantine.  Will I make it back to see her one last time?  Only God knows the answer.

The wisdom nuggets I have taken away from the rush of tragic life events are many.  I am filled with emotions, but I'm trying to remain focused on the good.  If not, I could easily lose my mind.  I saw this floating around a few days ago on social media and I absolutely loved it!  Read it and receive this message, please.  It is deep on so many levels.  I am an introvert so this self quarantine I'm practicing is not really much of a change for me.  My son is home now so his company has been nice.  I do pray that whatever change needs to take place within my heart and everyone else in the world, happens.  God is not allowing all of this to happen just because.  Something good can and will come from this unfortunate pandemic.  The one thing that I am struggling with is the social distancing.  I am a physical touch type of person so not being able to give or receive hugs is the hardest part for me. However, I know it's best for now to keep everyone as safe as possible.

My son, like many other college students, had to come back home since his campus closed.  He also lost his job on campus due to this unfortunate situation so that is hurting him financially.  He was able to transfer back to the Publix here to maintain some sort of income.  However, he is voluntarily putting himself (and me) at risk by serving his community to earn his paycheck.  There are so many individuals in his shoes trying to work to keep sane, earn money, and just survive.  I truly salute anyone working to serve their community, but above all, our healthcare professionals.  The images of panic and death due to this outbreak will stay with them long after this is all over.  I pray for their mental sanity and may they all be protected and filled with peace to get them through these times of uncertainty.

Let's be smart and proactive in working together to create a better world for everyone.  Stay home.  Wash your hands.  Be kind.  Spread LOVE...💜 and let's #flattenthecurve.  We have to beat this pandemic, we have to!!

Note to Self

Dear JQ,

Girl, please don't be so hard on yourself.  Take a deep breath and look at all you've been through and have overcome.  These are mere stepping stones and pebbles in the road you're facing right now.  Hold on and have faith that everything is aligning for you, even as you type this.

This past decade has shown you just how strong you are and that you can stand on your own two feet.  And even though you may not be where you want to be, learn to accept this season for what it is because it is just a season and season's change.  Remember years ago when you were married and you complained because you didn't get enough "me time" due to having a husband and kids to care for?  Well, you got your wish, but you must also be careful what you speak because words have power!  This season has offered you all the "me time" anyone could ask for, so enjoy it and continue to use it to your advantage.

Don't let how other people treat you change who you are.  You are a beautiful, kind, loving, and caring woman.  Your past did not break you so no need to try to break anyone else.  Remember, hurting people, hurt people.  You are in a much better place mentally and emotionally.  Continue to share all of your love with the world and let them know who you are despite all of the adversity you have faced in your life. You are not your past or your mistakes; please do not ever forget that.

Heartache is inevitable and we will all cross that bridge at some point in our lives. You have learned that with each man you had hopes for, the heartache has been easier to handle because you're stronger and wiser now and life's lessons have proven to be invaluable.  You just need to know when enough is enough and let go without looking back.  I'm not judging you, just reminding you, because I love you.  Now, keep loving and don't hold back or do it with limitations.  As I told you earlier, heartache is inevitable and there is a chance you will get hurt, but when you love, you also take a risk.  Love is a beautiful thing and you love freely which is so gracious of you.  In this life, we should always choose love, so keep loving!

Some food for thought, pay attention to the folks that think of you in the good and the bad.  To the folks that include you, that make time for you, that show they care.  Keep your circle small and worthy of someone like yourself.  You have so much to offer so be wise with the company you keep.  Always remember these words...

"Those that want to, make a way.  Those that don't want to, make an excuse." 

You will have very good days and you will have days where you want to cry because you miss someone or you're tired of being single or mad at the world, etc,.  In those moments, just stop and breathe, go for a walk, or pray, but allow yourself to feel whatever emotion it is you're feeling.  You are human and are entitled to your feelings because they are valid.  However, you will need to pick yourself up and remind yourself that you are worthy and better than what is behind you.  Chin up and keep moving forward even if it's with tears in your eyes. 

By the way, I am so proud of how you care for yourself.  You eat healthier and exercise regularly; keep putting yourself first!  Always remember, the days when you don't feel like it, are probably the days you need it most, so keep pushing forward.  Keep setting goals to hold yourself accountable; you'll thank yourself later.  Make the time now and let's pray that your latter years reward you. Keep doing all of the things that you love and make you happy; don't waste time being sad or uncertain about anything.  Follow your gut instinct; it's usually right.  I pray the path opens up for you and that your career takes a turn for the better.  You deserve to be appreciated in every aspect of life, so go get yours! And that dream of writing a book...it's time!

Here's to a prosperous new decade for you, your family, and anyone who chooses to join you in love.  Unfortunately, you will have to leave a few people behind in this upcoming season of life.  You have to know, if they wanted to be with you, they would make it happen.  All others are just making excuses and wasting your time; let them go.  They'll see your growth later, trust me!

I love you, JQ and I am so proud of you! Do you and just be happy.

Love, 
JQ






   

#nodaysoff

I typically do my own manicure and pedicure because I always seem to get someone who butchers my cuticles and they always make me bleed.  Plus, I am very frugal with my money.  On Saturday afternoon, I began removing my nail polish, but I was exhausted and realized I did not have the energy to work on my hands and feet.  A kind friend of mine offered to pay to pamper me, so I went ahead and took advantage of his kind gesture (I'm learning to accept gifts - this is very difficult for me for some strange reason).  When I arrived at the nail salon, I signed in and they took me back right away.  Then a beautiful young lady named Celine pulled up a chair and began small talk while my feet soaked.  She complimented my skin and asked what products I use; I don't use any.  Good genes I guess!  She asked about the holidays and I was honest with her, I don't like the holidays.  Sadly, they are still very difficult for me.  I just take it one day at a time.  Most days are good, but I still have my moments and if you're thinking "it's been so long" yes it has been and excuse me for being human.  Celine must've sensed something and I noticed she became very focused on my words so I tried to choose them wisely because I did not want to speak negatively about anyone.  Either way, I shared a little bit about my life and sadly, she was able to relate which hurt me.  A single mom with 2 kids just trying to make ends meet and the distance from family, etc. All in all, it was a beautiful conversation and in the end she asked if we could stay in touch.  I was humbled and honored by her kind gesture and I thank God that my friend offered to help me which sent me to the salon to meet Celine.  Moral of this piece of my blog; don't block your blessings.  When someone offers to help you, take it!  Then pay it forward however you can!


On Saturday night, I was hanging out with my girlfriends and I literally told them that I was tired.  Tired of doing everything on my own and how I've been praying for God to send me a helpmate, someone who will be willing to do life with me.  Single living is great and being strong and independent is awesome, but if I am completely honest, it can be exhausting!  My full time job requires me to be a decision maker; analyze and find root causes and make recommendations to resolve the issues.  It is tedious work, but they look to me to find and fix issues and this can be mentally taxing.  Ironically, Sunday morning came and I went to church and man did my Pastor have a word for me!  The title of his sermon was No Days Off and you guessed it, it was about us being tired because we're doing too much.  I love to exercise to release my emotions and increase my endorphins - it really works in case you're wondering.  I try to workout at least 5 days a week in addition to my full time job, maintain my home, my mental sanity, pay my bills, have a social life, etc.  When I tell you I am tired, I mean, I am exhausted that it hurts.  This past summer, after 10 years, I finally decided to pay someone to handle my yard work for me because I just didn't have it in me to be out there in the heat mowing and raking.  I am not old by any means, but not having help is taking its toll on me.  Anyway, my pastor dropped so much wisdom on us and I took away some nuggets:

Your job doesn't care about you so it's your responsibility to take care of YOU!  I knew this, but to hear him say it was the reminder I needed.  I definitely need to take more time off from work.

Love your family and make time for them!  He said he doesn't answer calls or texts on his day off and spends quality time with his wife and son.  I think I might need to consider disconnecting from the world myself.

If you work with your mind, relax with your hands and if you work with your hands, relax with your mind!  Read that again.  My job is so mentally taxing, I guess that's why I love the gym so much.  Body pump and spin class are awesome, but my true love is running.  The pavement just does something for me.

As the years go by, I keep moving forward, one foot in front of the other with no days off, but God is good and I trust Him even though it seems like it's taking forever for something to happen. But I know God has not forgotten about me and His words give me life...

Galatians 6:9
Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.


Lord, I will not give up, but I am tired...

I am a sexual assault SURVIVOR!

September 8, 1989...It's hard to believe that it's been 30 years since I lived through that dreadful day.  Life has been everything you can imagine since then, but the main thing is...I SURVIVED!

Below is a post I shared on Facebook last year; 29 years after my assault.  It's difficult to explain how a persons life is impacted by such a despicable act because it is impacted in ways you would never imagine. But with strength, perseverance, and the grace of God, life does go on!  Sharing my story is my therapy and I don't mind speaking my truth.  I know I helped a few women the very day I posted my story because they reached out to me privately telling me they never told anyone, but thankfully they felt comfortable enough to reach out to me.  The joy I felt in knowing that my brutal and painful honesty helped someone speak their truth for the first time is immeasurable.  What makes me sad is that they had to live with that secret all this time.  That leads me to wonder, how many other women (and men) are walking around with such dark, painful secrets?!

A 14 year old girl is walking home from her 1st day of high school. A stranger pulls up to the curb and asks politely “excuse me, what time is it?” she replies “it’s 2:30” and he replies with “I have a gun get in the car”. She panics, freezes and gets in the car. He takes her to a park and makes her perform oral sex on him. That’s not enough, so he takes her to a hotel nearby. For the next few hours he holds her captive and forces her to perform sexual acts on him and he doesn’t use a condom either. Once he’s satisfied, he drives her home, but drives past her house to make sure he knows where she lives because he warns her not to tell anyone. 

She gets home and tells her family. The police are called and paramedics arrive. She is taken to the hospital for an evaluation and has her first gynecological exam. Several doctors walking in and out and she has to repeat her story over and over and over again. She’s finally released and goes home. The next morning she wakes up vomiting and her cycle begins, but she’s home safe and she’s not pregnant.

Investigators begin calling each day for information. She goes in to meet with them and the first thing they question her about is “do you know him?" “Do you have history with him?" But she’s never seen him before. Then they ask her parents “is she a liar?" She feels so humiliated and ANGRY! They leave after it’s over. 

The rapist is caught and arrested; time to prepare for the grand jury. An ADA is assigned, more questions, same answers. The grand jury asks questions and she answers. They have enough evidence and determine this case should go to trial. 

2 long years later, she’s now 16 years old and a trial date is set; again, first day of school. However, there was no sleep the night before. She is terrified. Sick. Anxious. She makes it to the courthouse with her family for support, but she waits in another room, away from everyone. Her body is trembling, she has never been so nervous in all her life. She is about to tell her horror story to a bunch of strangers while sitting in front of her rapist, seeing him again for the first time since the assault.  

Questions come one after the other by both attorneys. She answers them all staring straight ahead while trying to hide behind the judge’s desk to avoid eye contact with him. Then, the one question she dreaded is asked “is the offender in this room today?" She answers “yes” and leans over, points to him, and stares him in the eye, but he turns away. After a few days, he is found guilty! Turns out, he assaulted 3-4 other ladies and they came forward after this young lady came forward. Never did she realize it, but she put an end to his sickness of raping women. It only takes one person to come forward, to put an end to a rapist and that brave young lady did it. 

Life continued for her, but she was never the same...

Ladies and gentleman, this is what I lived through!  I know this affected my family, but how deep, I will never know.  This was not something we ever talked about and even today, it's like walking on eggshells.  I don't mind talking about it, especially if I know it will help someone.  What I do dislike very much, is when I have shared my story and people ask me "why did you get in the car?"  Please know, I suffered the consequence of not fighting back or screaming for help.  I was 14 years old, terrified and shocked at was actually happening.  I can't turn back the hands of time or change anything about that day, but I am grateful that I am here to share my survivor story.  I have learned to just channel that pain into something positive to share with anyone who chooses to listen.  It's all a part of my healing, my journey and perhaps that is God's answer to my question "why did this have to happen to me?"   

Today, 30 years later, I am a very happy woman.  I have had to endure much in life, but I honestly would not change a thing.  Every knock down has afforded me the opportunity to stand back up stronger than the previous time.  When I share my story I often get "I would have never known that happened to you" or something along those lines.  I am beyond grateful for the people that loved and supported me during those difficult years.  I know that is why I was able to get through it all and live a normal life.  However, the affects of that assault are permanent scars I live with and when my instinct tells me something is not right, I have learned to react quickly.  It's weird, my heart races, my palms get sweaty, and my stomach hurts in a way I can't describe.  It's a horrifying, nauseating feeling that reminds me of that nightmare I lived through.  Is it my mind playing tricks on me?  I don't think so, but I listen to my senses and act accordingly as fast as I can.  I don't know if I could live through another assault and I pray for God's protection over me EVERY SINGLE DAY!    

Just recently, people have been telling me that I'm glowing or that I look happy.  After all I've lived through, it's nice that people see something positive when they see me.  Life is good and I am making a conscious decision to stay in good head space.  As the image above states, "You've mastered survival mode.  Now it's time to live."  People are dying every day and yes, my day will come too.  But today, I am here feeling young and vibrant!  I want to enjoy my adult kids and of course my grandchildren.  The joy they bring me is indescribable and I love them all dearly.  I'm grateful I don't dwell on the past, but rather focus on the present moments and make beautiful memories while I can. However, at this time of year, seeing all of the first day of school pictures everyone shares, does take me back to that day.  I bounce back quicker every year and realize it's just a passing moment.  I'm human and I allow myself to feel whatever emotion may come to get myself through it.  Sometimes I cry, sometime I don't.     

 "You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them." Maya Angelou

I'm hopeful that after sharing my story, this would encourage at least one woman.  May you no longer blame yourself.  May this free you from any guilt you still carry because life is precious and very short and may you realize this was not your fault and you are worthy of a life worth living... 

                                            #jqblogs #jqlives #jqisasurvivor

Stepping out of my comfort zone!

It started out as a regular Tuesday.  It was an "in office" day so I decided to go out for a run to get my day started.  Came home, showered, ate breakfast and left for work.  Sadly, I got some not so good news once I arrived; it seems I can't win, but I won't let it stop me.  I decided in that moment I would not allow that news to get me down.  I'm tired of allowing circumstances to dictate how I should feel.  Instead, I worked through my day with a smile, keeping to myself as usual and ended the day talking about my trip to Barbados and laughing up a storm with a dear friend and co-worker.

As I was leaving work, instead of going West on I-26, I decided I would go East and head downtown for dinner.  I've read good reviews of a place called Cane Rhum Bar and it truly lived up to those reviews!  First, I had to parallel park and I got in, in one shot!!  Haha, that's huge for me since I never have to parallel park.  Once inside, I decided to sit at the bar.  If you know me, you would know, this is totally outside of my norm, but a friend recently told me, if you want to meet new people, you've got to step outside of your comfort zone and try new things.  And today, I did just that.  

The bartenders were extremely friendly and very welcoming since it was my first time.  I ordered the Rum Punch and Beef Empanadas which were spicy, but delicious.  It reminded me of the Bajan food I ate just a few weeks ago.  The owner is Bajan which is what inspired this Rum Bar and of course what caught my attention to visit.

The vibe, music and overall atmosphere was everything I needed tonight.  I'm so glad I made the choice not only to be happy enjoying my own company, but to step out of my comfort zone as well.  After a few minutes, a gentleman by the name of Derrick sat next to me.  He was friendly and he knew one of the bartenders, Amita.  We talked for a good while about the bar and other places in town.  I learned a lot in such a short period of time about other establishments to visit.  The conversation got so interesting, another bartender came over and poured us all some shots and I believe he called it the "pink velvet."  Needless to say, I took a sip, but wouldn't dare finish it.  Although it was tasty, it was also fire down my throat!  All the guys enjoyed their shot, but I just watched, smiled and enjoyed the moment.  

I also met a couple from Ohio who visits the Charleston area often.  They're considering retiring here and said they love to visit the Cane Rhum Bar when in town.  Her drink for the evening was the Pain Killer, which looked delicious.  Next time I go, that will be the drink I order!  That conversation was interesting and jumped all over the place.  I ended up sharing photos of my grand babies and she turned out to be a twin herself! It was so nice meeting new friendly faces and talking about such random things.  I actually felt like a tourist in my own city for 90 minutes; that's how much time I had on my meter!  Once time was up, the bartenders all said goodnight and Amita, told me where to be Sunday evening.  I hope to check that place out and see what it's all about.  With all of that said, I'm choosing to simply live a life worth living!  

My message to you...step outside of your comfort zone and don't be afraid to try new things and meet new people.  I've spent too many days and nights upset, scared, and doubtful, but I'm making a conscious decision to be happy regardless of what's going on around me.  Life is too short and I don't want any regrets.  So, live and find your happy place...you never know who you'll meet or what you'll learn in the process.

#jqblogs

Barbados 2019

One day, Monique asked me if I wanted to go for a run after work and I figured sure, why not!  Albeit shy, I am a talker when I'm comfortable with someone.  I mentioned that I wanted to go on a vacation, but needed a travel buddy.  Little did I know, that day would be the start of planning this Caribbean vacation.  Folks, don't pass up invites from your friends; you never know what will come of that outing 😉 It all happened so fast!  We discussed our budget, selected a few islands and I began the search to see which would best meet our criteria.  Before I knew it, we selected Barbados, booked the flights and hotel and just had to wait for July 29th to arrive!

When I tell you this was the most fun-filled, yet relaxing vacation I've taken, it's almost indescribable.  The best part, of course, was eating and drinking to our hearts content.  I believe I was intoxicated for 5 days, no lie and diets were out the window because we knew upon arrival back to the US, it was back to training mode for our upcoming race season!  While I cannot write about every detail of our 5 days on the island, I will try my best to highlight what I thought were the best parts...here we go!

While we waited for our room to be ready, we took full advantage of the "all inclusive" package.  Rum Punch was quite strong, but we didn't care, we were on vacation!  The beach was so beautiful so we took advantage of the moment and began capturing our memories.

The view from our hotel balcony was breathtaking!  As soon as we walked into the room we were in awe of the beauty outside of those doors!  The sounds of the waves crashing was so peaceful and soothing.  I woke up early one morning and just sat out there admiring the beauty and acknowledging my blessing; it was magical!

Pebbles Beach is where you can find the race horses bathing in the ocean at sunrise.  They say the salt water is very good for their muscles.  The horses were beautiful as they arrived one by one.  The horse handlers were all so friendly as a few bystanders watched and waited for photo opportunities.  It was a very tranquil experience and I highly recommend it.  Our cab driver, Anderson laughed at us.  He said he never heard of anyone waking up so early to see horses.  I didn't care, I was determined to take advantage of everything during my stay.

Friends just enjoying and celebrating life and capturing the beauty in the moments...

The Hobie was awesome and included as part of our hotels water activities.  It was so much fun, we did it twice!  It's amazing how some wind and a piece of material and plastic can be turned into something so enjoyable.  So glad we decided to go out for a ride on the clear blue waters because the knowledge this man dropped on us as we sailed is something I will not forget.  He was real, genuine and very kind hearted.

The Mount Gay Rum Tour was awesome!  We purchased tickets on Trip Advisor a week prior to leaving for our trip, but failed to call for tour times.  Fortunately, our cab driver friend Anderson phoned us about the last tour leaving at 2:30pm, but it was 2:10 and we were still getting ready and our hotel was 30 minutes away!  Monique quickly called the Mount Gay distillery and told them what happened and they said to come over and we would just join the tour where they were and that is exactly what happened.  We arrived as she was serving the first round of Rum shots!  At the end of the tour, this beautiful young lady pictured above, took us through the tour in reverse so we didn't miss a thing, including more alcohol!  This tour was only $20 per person and worth it.  So, if you visit the island, make sure you visit the Mount Gay Rum distillery.  I promise you, you will leave there feeling wonderful!!  Thankfully, I didn't embarrass Monique or myself.

The Catamaran snorkel cruise is a must!  It's a 5 hour cruise up the coast and includes hotel pick up and drop off, lunch and unlimited alcohol for $85 per person.  There is also a limited number of people per sailing for a more intimate adventure.  The crew was made up of 2 gentleman and they were funny and very attentive.  Fortunately, the weather was absolutely perfect for sailing all day long.  Our first stop was swimming with the sea turtles!  There were only 2 turtles swimming around us, but they were absolutely beautiful and harmless.  The next stop was further up the coast to see the ship wreck and coral reef.  It's amazing how beautiful coral reef is and all the different color fish that live in the ocean were just mesmerizing.  After lunch, we dropped anchor, swam to shore and saw some flying fish while making new friends; a few from Bermuda and others from Australia.  Once we swam back to the catamaran, we grabbed some beers and everyone sat together enjoying the ride back while listening to reggae music along the way.   This is why I love to travel the world; you are exposed to all different walks of life.

As pavement sisters, we had to be sure we ran the streets of Barbados and 3 miles were done!  It was HOT, but we got it done on the St. Lawrence Gap!

We purchased an island tour and it was another 5 hour day, but it brought us here and pictures do not do it justice.  This is the northern most point of the island and the view was unlike anything I've ever seen.  We walked around and took in the moment and the beauty of the island.

You have to visit the island for yourself to truly appreciate the beauty of Barbados...

The sunsets were absolutely amazing and we made sure to enjoy every minute of every day on our girls trip to Barbados!!!  The people were absolutely wonderful and the food was delicious, lots of curry.  Barbados owes me nothing!!  And, I am truly grateful to have been able to take this trip with such a dear friend.  There are no words to describe how grateful I am that you joined me, Monique.

Until the next adventure.....#jqtravels

Give yourself some credit!

Why are we so hard on ourselves?  Please stop, look at how far you've come and give yourself the credit you deserve!

I am 44 years old.  I survived a sexual assault when I was 14.  My weight peaked in my mid 20's to a whopping 230 pounds.  I lost 80 pounds as a result of a lifestyle change.  I survived a divorced and earned my Bachelor's degree at the age of 34.  I have survived as a single woman for the past 10 years and have grown through everything that life has thrown at me.  I am standing strong when people thought I would never get back up. 

When I tell you my life has not been easy, trust me, it has been extremely difficult.  I guess I just adjusted to the twists and turns that have come my way.  This is my life, my journey and God certainly has a lot of faith in me.  As they say, He knows best!

As I was driving home from the gym the other night, it hit me like a ton of bricks.  The "it"  was a sense of pride, accomplishment and satisfaction...THIS IS MY LIFE!  I was driving my own car that is paid for, leaving the gym after a great workout and headed home to my own house.  Sweet Jesus, I am so blessed and yet I look in the mirror some days and don't like this or that.  Or, I admire other people and their relationships/marriages.  I admire people's new cars and vacations pictures and sometimes think "what about me?"  I am speaking to myself when I say "girlfriend, wake up!"  I have had to snap myself out of the little mental pity parties I throw for myself, but thank God I don't live in that head space as often as I once did.  I have got to give myself more credit for the life I have been able to build after all the crap I've endured.  I remained focused and my trials have humbled me.  Yes, I have made mistakes and continue to do so when it comes to dating, but I'm human and realize that will take time and unfortunately, heartbreak is a part of the process. But, it will be worth the journey as well.  

I could've gone out for happy hour last night, instead I decided to go shopping for summer clothes and enjoy the evening at the outlets. I tried on clothes, shoes, and shades in several stores and left with one bag of goodies for myself.  But, I shopped at my leisure and enjoyed my own company.  Then, I sat at my dining room table, blogging while sipping on a Smirnoff Ice Margarita flavor which by the way, was pretty good.  I guess when you focus on what you don't have, life can seem unfair.  But when you flip your thinking and count your blessings and say them out loud, you will realize that you are so blessed and fortunate.

As the meme states, "growth is a process" and it can be painful at times too.  Oh the tears I have cried, but it has been cleansing and that is where my growth has taken place.  Keep pushing through, one foot in front of the other and please don't give up.  The Bible even tells us in Galations 6:9 "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."  I have endured enough pain to last me a lifetime, yet I still rise and conquer each day even though I may not always have the most positive outlook on certain circumstances, but I am learning and trying my best to be more optimistic about everything; especially this phase of my life.  Please stop and give yourself the credit you deserve.  After all, you are doing the best you can with the life you've been given.  And if you're not, begin to re-evaluate your choices and do better for yourself.  Change and growth begins with you!

This picture is my constant reminder of the unhappy woman I used to be.  Through many trials, JQ emerged and thankfully through it all, I found her and learned to love her.  Grateful...is an understatement!!  

Remember, you do not just wake up and become the butterfly...

 - Growth is a process