Cancun, Mexico July 2021

 

People always ask me "what do you all talk about when you're out running or walking for so long?"  The ladies and I talk about anything and everything and after what 2020 showed us, travel was definitely a topic of conversation. 

When we initially thought of taking this trip, the COVID numbers were moving in a favorable direction so there was no hesitation on international travel.  I will not lie, as the days got closer leading to our departure at the end of July, my nerves were shot!  However, I went because I don't want to live a life of regret.  I've been as careful as possible and I'm always home, but it was time to get out and live again!  As it turns out, Cancun was just what I needed; we all needed it!  I enjoy booking trips, searching for resorts, and planning excursions, so once we all agreed and decided on Cancun, it was on!!

Our sister-friend Khandi was turning 50 years old, so in honor of her birthday, we decided on travel T-shirts which turned out to be a very cute idea.  

If you're interested, check out Chamia's IG: shop.beyounique!

                                                

                                                          

The time came for us to travel and it felt amazing to pack my suitcase, pull out my passport, and wake up at the crack of dawn to catch a flight!!  Delta Airlines was awesome - we flew CHS to ATL, ATL to CAN, and thank God for smooth flights because I hate turbulence.  When we arrived in Cancun, we headed to baggage claim, everyone searched for their bags, and once it was all accounted for, we headed for the transport shuttle area since we booked our transportation online.  As I'm speaking to the shuttle service attendant, Tisa realized the suitcase she had, did not belong to her.  Khandi, being the helpful friend that she is, grabbed a blue suitcase, but it was not Tisa's.  All I saw was Tisa and Khandi take off back into the airport.  After what seemed like forever, I went inside to see what was going on, but they seemed to have it under control so I went back outside and we waited.....and waited.   

Lesson #1: grab your own suitcase and use luggage tags to confirm it's yours.

 

We finally arrived at our resort Catalonia Hotel Costa-Mujeres and it was beautiful!  Drinks were served while we were checking in (as promised) and I was so thankful the resort looked just as beautiful as it did online.  Due to COVID, these resorts were practically giving away these rooms, so we opted for a swim-up pool room that came with "privileged" access.  Our rooms were very spacious and everyone got their own bed, which was perfect.  First stop - the beach...and it was a perfect evening!  The white sand in between my toes, the sound and smell of the ocean, and the ladies.  After 2020, this is exactly what we all needed.  

The next morning, we arranged for a shuttle to pick us up from the resort to take us to the Catamaran we rented.  It was about a 40-minute scenic drive to the marina and the sights in Cancun reminded me so much of Colombia.  Once we arrived at the Marina, we checked in, boarded the Catamaran, and took off.   The day was absolutely perfect, the sun was shining with clear blue skies, unlimited drinks which I took full advantage of, good music, and the wide-open sea.  The turquoise water was calm and so beautiful.  It was refreshing to my soul to be in such tranquility again after such a difficult year.  We sailed for 4 hours and visited Isla Mujeres which is a small island off the coast of Cancun.  By the time we got off the Catamaran, I was still swaying LOL!  Like I said, unlimited drinks.

On the third day, we stayed at the resort and did a few excursions they offered.  The Hobie Cat sailboat was fun and what we all opted to try.  This is where I met "Benny."  OMG, he was so handsome and his accent was secretly sexy to listen to. He was charming and very polite to all of us.  He took us out and chatted with us just talking about life and shared some fun facts about Mexico.  Before we knew it, we were back at the beach.  It was a nice, smooth sail that warmed my heart.  The little things we remember...

 If your resort has a spa, I urge you to try it.  You really have no idea what you'd be missing if you don't take the time to pamper yourself.  Since this resort was brand new, everything was modern and just perfect.  All of the ladies decided on a spa day and it was worth every penny, although I thought it was very affordable for what they offered.  The view from the infinity pool was to die for!

On the final day of the trip, we had to get tested for COVID.  The joy of a swab up your nose was not as bad as I thought and yes, we all tested negative so we went parasailing!  No videos or pics.  However, the memories from above will stay with me.  The ocean is absolutely beautiful along with all of its sea life.  We saw some sea turtles swimming and the coral reefs were stunning.  I could never get enough of the Caribbean, it is my absolute favorite place to visit.  Some say all islands are the same, (I know Cancun is not an island) yet every time I travel, I find something so unique and beautiful about that particular destination that stays with me.  

Being a foodie, you would think I would have taken a ton of pictures of my food to share - nope!  But I did  enjoy every meal and drink I was served.  The food was delicious and I tried some new things because of course, I was curious.  No complaints on the resort (other than they need more umbrellas at the beach) or Cancun in general.  The staff was friendly, all of our pre-booked shuttles and excursions were all on time with no issues.  Thank goodness for Trip Advisor!  If you don't use it, start.  It's a huge help because I am big on reviews.

The journey home was long and we were all mentally prepared for a full day of travel and a hell of a layover in ATL.  We could have driven home and beat the flight back, but we made the best of the time while in the airport.  Or course we got more drinks, a seafood dinner, and then of course, we found the cake spot!  Thankfully, no complaints, injures, or issues (other than the suitcase fiasco LOL). Khandi will never live that down.

I'm too afraid of traveling abroad alone which makes me so grateful for my girls who are ready and willing to travel with me.

Find your tribe! 

Book those trips! 

Live in the moment as best as you can!

#jqblogs #jqjourney #jqtravels

Here is a video of our girlstrip: Cancun Girls Trip 2021 

 

Seattle, Washington June 2021

After a long year with no travel, I finally ventured out to the Pacific Northwest to visit my son, Will.  This trip was everything I needed for so many reasons.  The flight to Seattle was roughly 5.5 hours and the views from 30,000 feet above were absolutely breathtaking.  I literally flew over the United States and wondered often "what is down there?"  

When I arrived in Seattle, my son met me at the airport, and oh my goodness, when I heard him call out "mom," I looked up, and there he was.  I just melted in his arms and was so happy to see him and feel his warm embrace.  I knew I missed him, but it hit me at that moment just how much.  We hopped on the train "the link" and headed to his apartment in Capitol Hill.  When we got off the train, we walked a few blocks and I came across this intersection; I thought it was beautiful.  For those of you that didn't know, my son is gay and my love for him remains strong and true.  He is a wonderful son, friend, and human being and that is what is important.  I love me some him!

After settling in at his apartment, we began our journey to the Pike Place Market!  Oh my, the fruits, veggies, and fresh fish stands were amazing!  I wanted to stop and buy a piece of everything, but obviously, I had to resist.  We continued walking through the market and down a million flights of stairs to get to the pier which was my favorite place.  It was so peaceful and relaxing and after a very long day, it was appreciated.

Day 2 began with another trip to Pike Market place.  I swear I could go there every day...and we did!  The line at the original Starbucks was down the street and with a million other Starbucks nearby, we opted for coffee elsewhere and got pastries from Piroshky Piroshky and headed back to the pier to enjoy the peaceful view before our trip to the Seattle Space Needle, Chihuly glass museum, and walk up to Kerry Park.   

                                                       

The Space Needle was fun until I saw the level with glass floors.  I froze, literally!  My body would not allow me to walk on the glass.  It took me about 10 minutes before I could place one foot on the glass while squeezing the life out of my son's arm!  But, I did it and it was such a relief.

The Chihuly glass museum was gorgeous!  The colors were so vibrant in every piece.  Pictures do not do it justice.  If you're ever in Seattle, check it out!

Our next stop was Kerry Park.  As we climbed up to heaven, because it was THE steepest and longest hill I ever walked to date, I was beginning to wonder if it would be worth the view.  My son turned around and said "you have to go through the storm to get to the rainbow!" and his boost of encouragement got me to the top.  As much as I work out, it just showed me how much more I need to push myself.  I wanted to take a picture of the hill, but my body said "NO!"  When we got to Kerry Park it was everything I dreamed of.  Clear blue skies and the most beautiful view of the Seattle Skyline.  In the distance is beautiful Mt. Rainier.

OMG, the next stop was the house from Grey's Anatomy!  It was literally up the street from Kerry Park.  I have never watched the show or have even been remotely interested in it, but between my son and my friends telling me how good of a show it is, I decided to begin watching it before my Seattle trip.  It is a great show and made the house and sights that much more special.

As it turns out, my trip to Seattle was during their heatwave.  I'm spoiled with air conditioning everywhere I go so this took some getting used to.  The last 2 days were intense, but thankfully, we made it through together. 

Day 3 was a 1-hour boat tour around the harbor and a trip to Discovery Park.  The boat tour was nice and relaxing and the breeze felt magical considering it was 10am and felt like 100 degrees out. Once it was over, we hopped on the bus and traveled about 30 minutes to Discovery park.  We hiked up the hills and then down several flights of stairs and trails to get to the beach.  It was beautiful and the scenery was spectacular!  If you're into hiking, this is definitely a park to visit.

Day 4 was even hotter and it was just very uncomfortable outside.  We decided to stay indoors and go to the movies to see the new Fast and Furious movie.  The air conditioning was such a relief!  Plus, it had been so long since I went to see a movie, which is my sons' favorite thing to do.  After the movie, we ventured down to Pike Place Market again and just strolled leisurely to keep from getting too hot.  Lots of stores were either closed or closing early due to the extreme temperatures so it was fairly quiet Sunday afternoon.  We had dinner reservations at Elliot's Oyster House and took an uber because there was no way I was walking in that heat again.  Dinner was very nice and a perfect way to end my trip.  The views were so beautiful, I could've stayed there forever...

In my 4 days in Seattle, we averaged 10 miles per day.  I'm glad I brought my walking shoes with me!  This trip was very special to me and I am so glad I got to spend this time with my son in his new home.  As our kids grow into adults, distance sometimes creeps in, but I want to be sure I make every effort to be there continuously making memories for us to cherish.  Every step taken during this trip was filled with great conversation, good food, drinks, laughter, and so much love.  It was well worth the time away.

I honestly felt like I was back home in NYC while in Seattle.  The diversity and different cultures were awesome! The public transportation, the skyscrapers, and the hustle out there were so inviting and nostalgic.  I truly hope I can take another trip out there again soon.  I posted a video link because I couldn't possibly put this entire trip into words.  Until next time Seattle...

Seattle video June 2021

                                                    #jqblogs #jqtravels #jqjourney #jqeats 

One year later

It's amazing how much can change in one year.  Last year this time, my world was changed forever when I lost my mother to pancreatic cancer.  It hurt like hell and in the midst of a pandemic, it only made her transition worse.  No proper burial, no family gathering, no real closure, nothing.  Just me, my thoughts, the few friends that reached out, and the grief that followed.  Because of 2020 and its awful turn of events, this past year has been one of reflection and focus on self because life can be so unpredictable.

Perspective: the capacity to view things in their true relations or relative importance.

How we view life is totally up to us.  I believe my mother's death brought forth purpose and clarity.  It forced me to stop and tap into who and what was relevant in my life because I have spent so much of my life searching.  Searching for love, friends, acceptance, careers, etc.  I had an epiphany moment; everyone is replaceable, especially those people in our lives that are just taking up space.  I realized I needed to do better with giving too much of myself to things and people that no longer mattered.  The reality of this needed change just seeped in and pushed itself to the forefront of my life, when my mother's came to an end.  Her death was not in vain.

For years, I thought I needed to be in a relationship to make me feel whole, I thought I needed to have a lot of friends and this simply was because I was never truly on my own.  I went from living at home with my parents and siblings, to living with my own family and as life continued, each child grew their wings and moved out on their own, leaving the nest I created for them.  But, that is the cycle of life.  It wasn't a difficult transition because I knew it would happen, it was being "alone" that was a bit daunting.  The word itself can be daunting, but what I've learned this past year about being on my own and the freedom it provides have been liberating!        

Alone + Freedom + Peace =  A magical combination that I have finally embraced!  My only regret is wishing I had made this connection sooner, but as they say, it's never too late.  Seeing how quickly my mother's life came to an end, it jolted me into my reality and how beautiful it truly is.  It's sad that tragedy forces us to focus on perspective, but like I said, my mother's death was not in vain. 

FREEDOM - JQ has arrived!!  In mid 2020, I made a decision to set goals and timelines to accomplish a few things that I thought I would never achieve.  2020 showed me that often times, less is more, so my 2021 goals have not seemed difficult to focus on thus far.  For the first time, in a long time, I feel so accomplished, disciplined, and focused.  I am seeing the progress and the weight that I removed has also helped my grieving process.  I know life will never be the same without my mother, but it doesn't mean life is going to be bad, just different.  Again, this is my perspective and how I am coping with the loss of my mother.  I am still here on this earth for a purpose and I just want to be around people that matter, people that I love, and people that reciprocate that love, peace, and kindness. 

Tomorrow, April 6th, is one year since I lost my mother and most days I am well.  There are those few days that I actually want to grab my phone and dial her, then I realize I can't.  Oh the sting that I feel when that happens.  I wish she could be here enjoying her great grandchildren with me, but that was not part of her journey.  It does make me sad that she is gone, but that sadness and reality of her untimely death snap me back into the fact that I am still here.  I still have the ability to be free, to love, to live, to give, and to hope for an even better tomorrow.  I simply just don't want to waste time anymore; I've done enough of that already.

This is how I live now and I am putting myself first unselfishly.  I have lived for everyone else for so long and it feels damn good to live for me, JQ again!  

Mami, I love and miss you dearly.  You did the best job you could with me and I will carry your sweet spirit in me and pray a part of you can live on through me.   

#jqblogs

   

Dear 2020

 

I couldn't resist using this 🤣

I've lived through some pretty painful/life changing events in my time and this year wasn't much different.  Or was it?

I typically spend the last few days of every year reflecting and tonight, I'm doing it again.  But, what's different?  

To anyone who has lost a loved one or parent, you know the lesson that teaches.  Death is final and there is no "ok, I take it back" or "I'm sorry, do you forgive me?"  It is literally "it is what it is" and we need to figure out how to move on with how it ended because there is no going back.  While I grieved my divorce many years ago, the grief of losing my mother was so different even though the pain felt the same.   

Divorce taught me to find myself and to literally learn to love "me" again.  While painful, it was the best journey I have traveled thus far.  I have learned to use tools and become a Ms. Fix-It in my own home.  It's been really fun counting on myself and more importantly, being able to work on my home both physically and financially.  It has given me a great sense of freedom and the peace that comes with that is undeniably wonderful!

Losing my mother taught me another invaluable lesson and that is...life is short!  As quickly as my mother transitioned, it was a slap in my face to wake up and live!  I, as many others, have spent time wondering about a "him" or the "what ifs" of life, but no more.  I feel as though I took the bull by the horns and made necessary changes in how I was living; the pandemic also helped direct me.  For one, I needed some alone time to grieve freely without being fake and without anyone asking me "what's wrong?" or "are you ok?"  And two, I needed to know that I was strong enough to deal with this loss/grief.  I did speak to a grief counselor that was provided to me through Agape Hospice because I knew I couldn't do it all completely alone, but I felt I dealt with my mother's passing as best as I could without falling apart.  After all, death is an unfortunate part of life that we will all endure at some point.  If I'm honest, I still can't believe my mother is gone, but it is my reality and what I am learning to live with.  The greatest lesson I learned is that our time on this earth is limited; spend it wisely with people that value and appreciate you.  If you don't think you have anyone, then spend time with yourself; you can't go wrong!  

The pandemic or COVID-19 was another wake up call.  I do believe the virus is real although others continue to say it's a hoax.  My father tested positive and almost died after a serious bout with pneumonia, but thankfully, he survived which is not the result many other families experienced.  My heart breaks for those who lost their loved ones during this pandemic; I know the feeling and understand that pain very well.  Being an introvert, quarantining was not difficult.  In fact, for me, it was needed so I am not mad at all.  Others are angry because they have to wear a mask or can't travel freely.  Me, I'm just thankful I'm alive, well, and still employed.  I am simply grateful for life and where I am today despite what I have endured this year and in life in general.  

I have tried to write throughout the year, but nothing came to me even though I had so much to say.  Tonight, the keyboard strokes came to me and although this is not one of my best blogs, it did feel good to write something again and it came from my heart.  

2020, you could have destroyed me, but you didn't.  The year of clear vision was just that - a wake up call to what I lived through and continue to see.  I am hopeful this pandemic will be under control sooner than later so we can resume our normal lives again; whatever that means.  

I'm living.  

I'm happy.  

I'm grateful.

If you took the time to read this, thank you from my soul.  It means more than you know...

Happy New Year from JQ!

#jqblogs 

#welcoming2021

       

A letter to my mother

Dear Mami,

I don't even know where to begin; this feels surreal.  The grief that I am feeling is horrible, but as long as you're not suffering, I can learn to live with this.

As a little girl, I didn't think about the day you would pass away or how.  I just lived knowing you were here, alive, and well.  As life unfolded, I lived through a sexual assault and I know you suffered with me.  I remember how you cried and tried to love me in your own way, but I was angry at the world and didn't want to receive it.  Those were tough years for us because you were also having issues with daddy and your marriage eventually failed due to his infidelity.  I saw you suffer, cry, and live through it, but I couldn't understand your pain then.  I was just happy to see daddy go because he was the source of your pain.  After that, you stayed in New York and cared for me, your youngest, until I was 17 years old.  But, your children were grown and we were making our own life decisions so there really wasn't anything left for you to do here.  You lived in New York for over 30 years, so far away from your family in Colombia, so going back home to be with your mother, siblings, and girlfriends really was best for you.  However, I didn't see that then, I just remember the pain of you leaving me, but I wasn't going to Colombia either (I was always so stubborn).

When I relocated to South Carolina years later, I remember you coming to visit me when Willie was born and again when my husband (at the time) left for the police academy.  You stayed for 3 months to help me because this is what brought you joy; helping others.  You planted a tree in my front yard on Blossom Street on that visit and I'm sure I will drive by and look at it from time to time to remind me of the small piece of you left here in Goose Creek.  The beautiful memories I have of you and my children are everywhere and I'm so grateful I have pictures of you with your great grandchildren.  Thankfully, I have tons of pictures and a few videos to reflect on when I begin to miss you.  Like I said earlier, this still feels surreal.

Mami, the one thing that brings me joy is that you were living life again for YOU!  When I visited you in Colombia, I witnessed your relationship and I thought it was so beautiful.  You got to travel and spend time with your mom, your family, and live life for you again.  You deserved that!  Unfortunately, what brought us closer again after years of being apart was the end of my marriage.  You lived through your divorce and then you were able to help me through my mine from afar.  You called me and cried your heart out because again, you were suffering with me.  When I had my hysterectomy, you came to care for me for about 3 weeks.  We were able to sit and talk about life, but because I was so angry at the world, I didn't want to hear anything.  You did leave me with a bit of advice that I really think helped me and I thank you.  

I know you cared Mami, I'm realizing it even more now that you're gone.  I took advantage of knowing you were alive and well in Colombia that I didn't take advantage of calling or visiting more often and for that I am truly sorry.  There is no turning back the hands of time and this is a huge lesson I will have to live with.  I just pray this lesson will make me a better mother to my kids and grandkids and a better friend and relative going forward.

God is so mysterious in His ways.  In September 2019, my Tia Gloria, daddy, and you went on a road trip after your cruise out of Miami.  I was so happy you all got to travel and make your way up to me to spend the day in my home.  You got to meet my youngest grandson, your great grandson Roman and Jasmine got to see you one last time.  We all thought that trip was for daddy, but it was actually for you.  You were already sick with cancer; we just didn't have a clue.  I am forever grateful for that evening in my house.

On Monday February 10th, 2020, you received the news from your doctor in Colombia indicating they saw a tumor on your pancreas and lesions on your liver which they said was pancreatic cancer.  I never saw this coming and I am sure you were just as shocked!  I knew and felt in my gut that I needed to see you once you arrived in New York.  The week that I got to spend with you was the biggest blessing I received.  I hope it was for you as well.  You made me sopita (soup) and you even served me, but I allowed you to serve me because I knew at some point the cancer would take away your independence, and it did.  I got to see you in your healthiest state before the cancer progressed and my memory of that trip is what I will hold on to.  

On Monday April 6th, you passed away from this dreadful disease just 2 months after being diagnosed.  COVID-19 didn't make things any easier.  You had to be kept in isolation, far away from everyone and I am sure that was extremely difficult for you.  Everything happened so much faster than I imagined, but the silver lining for me is that God was gracious by informing us this was coming and granted us with a little bit of time.  I was able to apologize for all the wrong I did and I know you forgive me because that is who you are. In the end, I was able to care for you and feed you because you could no longer feed yourself and I helped change your diaper because the cancer came on with a vengeance.  I was so naive to think that knowing you were terminal with cancer would make your transition easier, but I was so wrong.  Nothing in the world can prepare you to lose your mother, nothing!

I will miss you so much and promise to always remember the good because it was there.  I love you, Mami.  I always have and I always will.  Please watch over me, walk with me, and know I am trying my best to cope and move forward, but this pain is far more difficult than I ever imagined.  Rest easy, Mami...

Maria "Elvia" Quintero 

8/27/1944 - 4/6/2020

Life Lessons in 2020

This new decade certainly is not starting off how anyone could have imagined.  For me, it's been rough and this morning when I woke up I received that gentle reminder; life can change in the blink of an eye!  Coming into the new year/decade, I was excited with great expectation (still am) and hopeful to see what God has in store for me and my family (again, still am).  But my goodness, how this began is sad and crazy; illness, disease, and death.  However, I rebuke this!

On Saturday February 1st, my daughter thought she had food poisoning and based on what she explained, I went along with it.  She needed help taking care of her boys, my 3 grandsons, so I headed over to help my daughter in need.  I always have the absolute best time with my 3 lil guys so it really was no big deal for me.  It was again, another wonderful adventure at the Greer house.  My daughter slept most of the day and when her husband returned home, I headed home to relax because those boys wore me out!!  The following day, I went about my normal routine and everything was fine.  Later that night, my daughter sent me a text saying Dominic was now vomiting so this probably wasn't food poisoning...Oh crap!  Within an hour of her texting me, my stomach began doing flips.  Instead of panicking, I just went to sleep.  I tossed and turned the whole night because my stomach was cramping, but nothing was happening.  My alarm went off at 7am and then it began.  It was coming out of both ends for 2 days and needless to say, I was weak and couldn't work for 3 days even though I work from home.  I had enough energy to walk to my couch just so I could get out of my bed.  Like most viruses, it ran its course and I was better by the weekend.

On Saturday February 8th, I called my mom in Colombia to say hello and towards the end of the conversation, she informed me she had not been feeling well and was pending some test results.  All she said was they found something on her pancreas.  My reaction was "oh shit."  It was a somber weekend for me since I was still recovering from being sick and then she dropped that on me.  On Monday February 10th, my siblings and I received the text that would change our lives; mom has pancreatic cancer and there are lesions on her liver, which means it spread.  I can't even begin to tell you what I felt or thought in that moment, but since I work from home, I was able to walk around restlessly and pray out loud, but I didn't cry, it just wouldn't come out.  I called my co-worker because I had to talk to someone in that moment.  My sister Gloria called me shortly after and we talked for a while, but I still didn't cry.  After we spoke, I finished my workday and did the best I could with limited focus on my work.  Later that evening, after some quiet time, I called my friend Thomas.  He met my mother 9 years ago so I knew of all the man friends I had, he could understand the best.  I finally sobbed on the phone and he just listened.  That was exactly what I needed, someone to just listen and allow me to vent and cry until I could not anymore.  He then spoke to me and comforted me from afar, but I felt his love.

On Wednesday March 4th, (my youngest grandsons 1st birthday) a week after my mothers biopsy, the results came in and they were bad.  My moms cancer is terminal.  Chemo could buy some time, but quality of life would be impacted.  The 2nd opinion results came back on Monday March 9th; same thing except the PET scan revealed the cancer spread to her lungs.  In just 4 weeks, this vicious disease has been eating away at my mother and there is nothing we can do.  I did go to NY and spent some time with her that I am so much more grateful for now, but living in SC it's difficult to receive this news and feel helpless because there is nothing I can do from here.  Now, the Corona virus is a pandemic making travel difficult.  Sadly, my mother wanted to go back to Colombia, but while waiting for answers, Colombia has now closed their borders until May 30th.  Will my mother live until then to make it back home?  I believe in my heart, that is where she wants to be, but until this Corona virus is contained and we "flatten the curve," we will not know what her final days will be like or where she will be.  For now, she is in NY with my sister and the millions who are home in quarantine.  Will I make it back to see her one last time?  Only God knows the answer.

The wisdom nuggets I have taken away from the rush of tragic life events are many.  I am filled with emotions, but I'm trying to remain focused on the good.  If not, I could easily lose my mind.  I saw this floating around a few days ago on social media and I absolutely loved it!  Read it and receive this message, please.  It is deep on so many levels.  I am an introvert so this self quarantine I'm practicing is not really much of a change for me.  My son is home now so his company has been nice.  I do pray that whatever change needs to take place within my heart and everyone else in the world, happens.  God is not allowing all of this to happen just because.  Something good can and will come from this unfortunate pandemic.  The one thing that I am struggling with is the social distancing.  I am a physical touch type of person so not being able to give or receive hugs is the hardest part for me. However, I know it's best for now to keep everyone as safe as possible.

My son, like many other college students, had to come back home since his campus closed.  He also lost his job on campus due to this unfortunate situation so that is hurting him financially.  He was able to transfer back to the Publix here to maintain some sort of income.  However, he is voluntarily putting himself (and me) at risk by serving his community to earn his paycheck.  There are so many individuals in his shoes trying to work to keep sane, earn money, and just survive.  I truly salute anyone working to serve their community, but above all, our healthcare professionals.  The images of panic and death due to this outbreak will stay with them long after this is all over.  I pray for their mental sanity and may they all be protected and filled with peace to get them through these times of uncertainty.

Let's be smart and proactive in working together to create a better world for everyone.  Stay home.  Wash your hands.  Be kind.  Spread LOVE...💜 and let's #flattenthecurve.  We have to beat this pandemic, we have to!!

Note to Self

Dear JQ,

Girl, please don't be so hard on yourself.  Take a deep breath and look at all you've been through and have overcome.  These are mere stepping stones and pebbles in the road you're facing right now.  Hold on and have faith that everything is aligning for you, even as you type this.

This past decade has shown you just how strong you are and that you can stand on your own two feet.  And even though you may not be where you want to be, learn to accept this season for what it is because it is just a season and season's change.  Remember years ago when you were married and you complained because you didn't get enough "me time" due to having a husband and kids to care for?  Well, you got your wish, but you must also be careful what you speak because words have power!  This season has offered you all the "me time" anyone could ask for, so enjoy it and continue to use it to your advantage.

Don't let how other people treat you change who you are.  You are a beautiful, kind, loving, and caring woman.  Your past did not break you so no need to try to break anyone else.  Remember, hurting people, hurt people.  You are in a much better place mentally and emotionally.  Continue to share all of your love with the world and let them know who you are despite all of the adversity you have faced in your life. You are not your past or your mistakes; please do not ever forget that.

Heartache is inevitable and we will all cross that bridge at some point in our lives. You have learned that with each man you had hopes for, the heartache has been easier to handle because you're stronger and wiser now and life's lessons have proven to be invaluable.  You just need to know when enough is enough and let go without looking back.  I'm not judging you, just reminding you, because I love you.  Now, keep loving and don't hold back or do it with limitations.  As I told you earlier, heartache is inevitable and there is a chance you will get hurt, but when you love, you also take a risk.  Love is a beautiful thing and you love freely which is so gracious of you.  In this life, we should always choose love, so keep loving!

Some food for thought, pay attention to the folks that think of you in the good and the bad.  To the folks that include you, that make time for you, that show they care.  Keep your circle small and worthy of someone like yourself.  You have so much to offer so be wise with the company you keep.  Always remember these words...

"Those that want to, make a way.  Those that don't want to, make an excuse." 

You will have very good days and you will have days where you want to cry because you miss someone or you're tired of being single or mad at the world, etc,.  In those moments, just stop and breathe, go for a walk, or pray, but allow yourself to feel whatever emotion it is you're feeling.  You are human and are entitled to your feelings because they are valid.  However, you will need to pick yourself up and remind yourself that you are worthy and better than what is behind you.  Chin up and keep moving forward even if it's with tears in your eyes. 

By the way, I am so proud of how you care for yourself.  You eat healthier and exercise regularly; keep putting yourself first!  Always remember, the days when you don't feel like it, are probably the days you need it most, so keep pushing forward.  Keep setting goals to hold yourself accountable; you'll thank yourself later.  Make the time now and let's pray that your latter years reward you. Keep doing all of the things that you love and make you happy; don't waste time being sad or uncertain about anything.  Follow your gut instinct; it's usually right.  I pray the path opens up for you and that your career takes a turn for the better.  You deserve to be appreciated in every aspect of life, so go get yours! And that dream of writing a book...it's time!

Here's to a prosperous new decade for you, your family, and anyone who chooses to join you in love.  Unfortunately, you will have to leave a few people behind in this upcoming season of life.  You have to know, if they wanted to be with you, they would make it happen.  All others are just making excuses and wasting your time; let them go.  They'll see your growth later, trust me!

I love you, JQ and I am so proud of you! Do you and just be happy.

Love, 
JQ






   

#nodaysoff

I typically do my own manicure and pedicure because I always seem to get someone who butchers my cuticles and they always make me bleed.  Plus, I am very frugal with my money.  On Saturday afternoon, I began removing my nail polish, but I was exhausted and realized I did not have the energy to work on my hands and feet.  A kind friend of mine offered to pay to pamper me, so I went ahead and took advantage of his kind gesture (I'm learning to accept gifts - this is very difficult for me for some strange reason).  When I arrived at the nail salon, I signed in and they took me back right away.  Then a beautiful young lady named Celine pulled up a chair and began small talk while my feet soaked.  She complimented my skin and asked what products I use; I don't use any.  Good genes I guess!  She asked about the holidays and I was honest with her, I don't like the holidays.  Sadly, they are still very difficult for me.  I just take it one day at a time.  Most days are good, but I still have my moments and if you're thinking "it's been so long" yes it has been and excuse me for being human.  Celine must've sensed something and I noticed she became very focused on my words so I tried to choose them wisely because I did not want to speak negatively about anyone.  Either way, I shared a little bit about my life and sadly, she was able to relate which hurt me.  A single mom with 2 kids just trying to make ends meet and the distance from family, etc. All in all, it was a beautiful conversation and in the end she asked if we could stay in touch.  I was humbled and honored by her kind gesture and I thank God that my friend offered to help me which sent me to the salon to meet Celine.  Moral of this piece of my blog; don't block your blessings.  When someone offers to help you, take it!  Then pay it forward however you can!


On Saturday night, I was hanging out with my girlfriends and I literally told them that I was tired.  Tired of doing everything on my own and how I've been praying for God to send me a helpmate, someone who will be willing to do life with me.  Single living is great and being strong and independent is awesome, but if I am completely honest, it can be exhausting!  My full time job requires me to be a decision maker; analyze and find root causes and make recommendations to resolve the issues.  It is tedious work, but they look to me to find and fix issues and this can be mentally taxing.  Ironically, Sunday morning came and I went to church and man did my Pastor have a word for me!  The title of his sermon was No Days Off and you guessed it, it was about us being tired because we're doing too much.  I love to exercise to release my emotions and increase my endorphins - it really works in case you're wondering.  I try to workout at least 5 days a week in addition to my full time job, maintain my home, my mental sanity, pay my bills, have a social life, etc.  When I tell you I am tired, I mean, I am exhausted that it hurts.  This past summer, after 10 years, I finally decided to pay someone to handle my yard work for me because I just didn't have it in me to be out there in the heat mowing and raking.  I am not old by any means, but not having help is taking its toll on me.  Anyway, my pastor dropped so much wisdom on us and I took away some nuggets:

Your job doesn't care about you so it's your responsibility to take care of YOU!  I knew this, but to hear him say it was the reminder I needed.  I definitely need to take more time off from work.

Love your family and make time for them!  He said he doesn't answer calls or texts on his day off and spends quality time with his wife and son.  I think I might need to consider disconnecting from the world myself.

If you work with your mind, relax with your hands and if you work with your hands, relax with your mind!  Read that again.  My job is so mentally taxing, I guess that's why I love the gym so much.  Body pump and spin class are awesome, but my true love is running.  The pavement just does something for me.

As the years go by, I keep moving forward, one foot in front of the other with no days off, but God is good and I trust Him even though it seems like it's taking forever for something to happen. But I know God has not forgotten about me and His words give me life...

Galatians 6:9
Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.


Lord, I will not give up, but I am tired...

I am a sexual assault SURVIVOR!

September 8, 1989...It's hard to believe that it's been 30 years since I lived through that dreadful day.  Life has been everything you can imagine since then, but the main thing is...I SURVIVED!

Below is a post I shared on Facebook last year; 29 years after my assault.  It's difficult to explain how a persons life is impacted by such a despicable act because it is impacted in ways you would never imagine. But with strength, perseverance, and the grace of God, life does go on!  Sharing my story is my therapy and I don't mind speaking my truth.  I know I helped a few women the very day I posted my story because they reached out to me privately telling me they never told anyone, but thankfully they felt comfortable enough to reach out to me.  The joy I felt in knowing that my brutal and painful honesty helped someone speak their truth for the first time is immeasurable.  What makes me sad is that they had to live with that secret all this time.  That leads me to wonder, how many other women (and men) are walking around with such dark, painful secrets?!

A 14 year old girl is walking home from her 1st day of high school. A stranger pulls up to the curb and asks politely “excuse me, what time is it?” she replies “it’s 2:30” and he replies with “I have a gun get in the car”. She panics, freezes and gets in the car. He takes her to a park and makes her perform oral sex on him. That’s not enough, so he takes her to a hotel nearby. For the next few hours he holds her captive and forces her to perform sexual acts on him and he doesn’t use a condom either. Once he’s satisfied, he drives her home, but drives past her house to make sure he knows where she lives because he warns her not to tell anyone. 

She gets home and tells her family. The police are called and paramedics arrive. She is taken to the hospital for an evaluation and has her first gynecological exam. Several doctors walking in and out and she has to repeat her story over and over and over again. She’s finally released and goes home. The next morning she wakes up vomiting and her cycle begins, but she’s home safe and she’s not pregnant.

Investigators begin calling each day for information. She goes in to meet with them and the first thing they question her about is “do you know him?" “Do you have history with him?" But she’s never seen him before. Then they ask her parents “is she a liar?" She feels so humiliated and ANGRY! They leave after it’s over. 

The rapist is caught and arrested; time to prepare for the grand jury. An ADA is assigned, more questions, same answers. The grand jury asks questions and she answers. They have enough evidence and determine this case should go to trial. 

2 long years later, she’s now 16 years old and a trial date is set; again, first day of school. However, there was no sleep the night before. She is terrified. Sick. Anxious. She makes it to the courthouse with her family for support, but she waits in another room, away from everyone. Her body is trembling, she has never been so nervous in all her life. She is about to tell her horror story to a bunch of strangers while sitting in front of her rapist, seeing him again for the first time since the assault.  

Questions come one after the other by both attorneys. She answers them all staring straight ahead while trying to hide behind the judge’s desk to avoid eye contact with him. Then, the one question she dreaded is asked “is the offender in this room today?" She answers “yes” and leans over, points to him, and stares him in the eye, but he turns away. After a few days, he is found guilty! Turns out, he assaulted 3-4 other ladies and they came forward after this young lady came forward. Never did she realize it, but she put an end to his sickness of raping women. It only takes one person to come forward, to put an end to a rapist and that brave young lady did it. 

Life continued for her, but she was never the same...

Ladies and gentleman, this is what I lived through!  I know this affected my family, but how deep, I will never know.  This was not something we ever talked about and even today, it's like walking on eggshells.  I don't mind talking about it, especially if I know it will help someone.  What I do dislike very much, is when I have shared my story and people ask me "why did you get in the car?"  Please know, I suffered the consequence of not fighting back or screaming for help.  I was 14 years old, terrified and shocked at was actually happening.  I can't turn back the hands of time or change anything about that day, but I am grateful that I am here to share my survivor story.  I have learned to just channel that pain into something positive to share with anyone who chooses to listen.  It's all a part of my healing, my journey and perhaps that is God's answer to my question "why did this have to happen to me?"   

Today, 30 years later, I am a very happy woman.  I have had to endure much in life, but I honestly would not change a thing.  Every knock down has afforded me the opportunity to stand back up stronger than the previous time.  When I share my story I often get "I would have never known that happened to you" or something along those lines.  I am beyond grateful for the people that loved and supported me during those difficult years.  I know that is why I was able to get through it all and live a normal life.  However, the affects of that assault are permanent scars I live with and when my instinct tells me something is not right, I have learned to react quickly.  It's weird, my heart races, my palms get sweaty, and my stomach hurts in a way I can't describe.  It's a horrifying, nauseating feeling that reminds me of that nightmare I lived through.  Is it my mind playing tricks on me?  I don't think so, but I listen to my senses and act accordingly as fast as I can.  I don't know if I could live through another assault and I pray for God's protection over me EVERY SINGLE DAY!    

Just recently, people have been telling me that I'm glowing or that I look happy.  After all I've lived through, it's nice that people see something positive when they see me.  Life is good and I am making a conscious decision to stay in good head space.  As the image above states, "You've mastered survival mode.  Now it's time to live."  People are dying every day and yes, my day will come too.  But today, I am here feeling young and vibrant!  I want to enjoy my adult kids and of course my grandchildren.  The joy they bring me is indescribable and I love them all dearly.  I'm grateful I don't dwell on the past, but rather focus on the present moments and make beautiful memories while I can. However, at this time of year, seeing all of the first day of school pictures everyone shares, does take me back to that day.  I bounce back quicker every year and realize it's just a passing moment.  I'm human and I allow myself to feel whatever emotion may come to get myself through it.  Sometimes I cry, sometime I don't.     

 "You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them." Maya Angelou

I'm hopeful that after sharing my story, this would encourage at least one woman.  May you no longer blame yourself.  May this free you from any guilt you still carry because life is precious and very short and may you realize this was not your fault and you are worthy of a life worth living... 

                                            #jqblogs #jqlives #jqisasurvivor

Stepping out of my comfort zone!

It started out as a regular Tuesday.  It was an "in office" day so I decided to go out for a run to get my day started.  Came home, showered, ate breakfast and left for work.  Sadly, I got some not so good news once I arrived; it seems I can't win, but I won't let it stop me.  I decided in that moment I would not allow that news to get me down.  I'm tired of allowing circumstances to dictate how I should feel.  Instead, I worked through my day with a smile, keeping to myself as usual and ended the day talking about my trip to Barbados and laughing up a storm with a dear friend and co-worker.

As I was leaving work, instead of going West on I-26, I decided I would go East and head downtown for dinner.  I've read good reviews of a place called Cane Rhum Bar and it truly lived up to those reviews!  First, I had to parallel park and I got in, in one shot!!  Haha, that's huge for me since I never have to parallel park.  Once inside, I decided to sit at the bar.  If you know me, you would know, this is totally outside of my norm, but a friend recently told me, if you want to meet new people, you've got to step outside of your comfort zone and try new things.  And today, I did just that.  

The bartenders were extremely friendly and very welcoming since it was my first time.  I ordered the Rum Punch and Beef Empanadas which were spicy, but delicious.  It reminded me of the Bajan food I ate just a few weeks ago.  The owner is Bajan which is what inspired this Rum Bar and of course what caught my attention to visit.

The vibe, music and overall atmosphere was everything I needed tonight.  I'm so glad I made the choice not only to be happy enjoying my own company, but to step out of my comfort zone as well.  After a few minutes, a gentleman by the name of Derrick sat next to me.  He was friendly and he knew one of the bartenders, Amita.  We talked for a good while about the bar and other places in town.  I learned a lot in such a short period of time about other establishments to visit.  The conversation got so interesting, another bartender came over and poured us all some shots and I believe he called it the "pink velvet."  Needless to say, I took a sip, but wouldn't dare finish it.  Although it was tasty, it was also fire down my throat!  All the guys enjoyed their shot, but I just watched, smiled and enjoyed the moment.  

I also met a couple from Ohio who visits the Charleston area often.  They're considering retiring here and said they love to visit the Cane Rhum Bar when in town.  Her drink for the evening was the Pain Killer, which looked delicious.  Next time I go, that will be the drink I order!  That conversation was interesting and jumped all over the place.  I ended up sharing photos of my grand babies and she turned out to be a twin herself! It was so nice meeting new friendly faces and talking about such random things.  I actually felt like a tourist in my own city for 90 minutes; that's how much time I had on my meter!  Once time was up, the bartenders all said goodnight and Amita, told me where to be Sunday evening.  I hope to check that place out and see what it's all about.  With all of that said, I'm choosing to simply live a life worth living!  

My message to you...step outside of your comfort zone and don't be afraid to try new things and meet new people.  I've spent too many days and nights upset, scared, and doubtful, but I'm making a conscious decision to be happy regardless of what's going on around me.  Life is too short and I don't want any regrets.  So, live and find your happy place...you never know who you'll meet or what you'll learn in the process.

#jqblogs