Why are we so hard on ourselves? Please stop, look at how far you've come and give yourself the credit you deserve!
I am 44 years old. I survived a sexual assault when I was 14. My weight peaked in my mid 20's to a whopping 230 pounds. I lost 80 pounds as a result of a lifestyle change. I survived a divorced and earned my Bachelor's degree at the age of 34. I have survived as a single woman for the past 10 years and have grown through everything that life has thrown at me. I am standing strong when people thought I would never get back up.
When I tell you my life has not been easy, trust me, it has been extremely difficult. I guess I just adjusted to the twists and turns that have come my way. This is my life, my journey and God certainly has a lot of faith in me. As they say, He knows best!
As I was driving home from the gym the other night, it hit me like a ton of bricks. The "it" was a sense of pride, accomplishment and satisfaction...THIS IS MY LIFE! I was driving my own car that is paid for, leaving the gym after a great workout and headed home to my own house. Sweet Jesus, I am so blessed and yet I look in the mirror some days and don't like this or that. Or, I admire other people and their relationships/marriages. I admire people's new cars and vacations pictures and sometimes think "what about me?" I am speaking to myself when I say "girlfriend, wake up!" I have had to snap myself out of the little mental pity parties I throw for myself, but thank God I don't live in that head space as often as I once did. I have got to give myself more credit for the life I have been able to build after all the crap I've endured. I remained focused and my trials have humbled me. Yes, I have made mistakes and continue to do so when it comes to dating, but I'm human and realize that will take time and unfortunately, heartbreak is a part of the process. But, it will be worth the journey as well.
I could've gone out for happy hour last night, instead I decided to go shopping for summer clothes and enjoy the evening at the outlets. I tried on clothes, shoes, and shades in several stores and left with one bag of goodies for myself. But, I shopped at my leisure and enjoyed my own company. Then, I sat at my dining room table, blogging while sipping on a Smirnoff Ice Margarita flavor which by the way, was pretty good. I guess when you focus on what you don't have, life can seem unfair. But when you flip your thinking and count your blessings and say them out loud, you will realize that you are so blessed and fortunate.
As the meme states, "growth is a process" and it can be painful at times too. Oh the tears I have cried, but it has been cleansing and that is where my growth has taken place. Keep pushing through, one foot in front of the other and please don't give up. The Bible even tells us in Galations 6:9 "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." I have endured enough pain to last me a lifetime, yet I still rise and conquer each day even though I may not always have the most positive outlook on certain circumstances, but I am learning and trying my best to be more optimistic about everything; especially this phase of my life. Please stop and give yourself the credit you deserve. After all, you are doing the best you can with the life you've been given. And if you're not, begin to re-evaluate your choices and do better for yourself. Change and growth begins with you!
This picture is my constant reminder of the unhappy woman I used to be. Through many trials, JQ emerged and thankfully through it all, I found her and learned to love her. Grateful...is an understatement!!
Remember, you do not just wake up and become the butterfly...
- Growth is a process
