That was all I knew, being a mom. We love, nurture, guide and be there. Now that they're grown, it's weird to see them make their own decisions and live their own lives. In my eyes, they are still my babies (insert a tear drop here) and always will be. This part of my life has been interesting; finding myself, my likes and dislikes, making new friends from such different walks of life and being allowed all the "me time" I could have ever dreamed of. Many ebbs and flows along the way, but that's life and all a learning experience and part of my growth and journey. However, it still feels strange to be able to live for me, JQ again. It feels like I'm being selfish by putting myself first, but I have every right to do so.
One Sunday in church, I was speaking to a woman and told her about an upcoming event I had planned and how excited I was. Her words hit home for me and I really needed to hear it. It was simple, yet to the point. She said "you've put in your time, now go live your life"! Not that I wasn't "living" previously, it's just that my priorities were totally different. Her words stayed with me for a few days and I realized, she's right. As a wife and mother, they all came first, always. At least that was how I saw it. The marriage ended and the kids grew up and moved on. Now what?! It was a difficult transition, but I made it and I'm grateful that my kids and I actually have a cool and fun relationship and we stay in touch - like every day. The things we talk about and how we spend our time together is really meaningful and I would not change a thing!
My life is so simple and I am happy, although I have struggled from time to time with accepting my single status. As much as I desire and have prayed for a wonderful companion, I have learned to just love me and my new life. Everything else will fall into place when it's time, I suppose. As we all know, a relationship is work and too many are not willing to put in that type of work, so I just lay low and do what makes me happy. I spend time with my kids, my grand babies, my girlfriends and the best time of all is when I spend time with me, JQ.
Over the past few years, I have enjoyed reading all kinds of books. I remember a time when I hated reading, now I'm joining book clubs with excitement! If you allow yourself time to learn new ways to live, life will not be boring. In fact, it will become so interesting that it will keep you hungry to find new adventures, but you have to be willing to step outside of the box and out of your own way. Yes, I am a runner and that is now a huge part of my life and also my therapy, but it's not everything. I recently began taking yoga classes at the gym I attend. OMG, why have I waited so long to try a yoga class?! That's what I meant about stepping outside of the box - Yoga is wonderful and it's also very good for your mind, body and soul. I leave the gym feeling so relaxed and mentally strong! Physically, I'm exhausted, but that's a good thing. Even though I am an introvert, I have found that I love group workout sessions. Maybe it's my competitiveness, I don't know. Or, maybe it's the fact that there are other likeminded people that enjoy doing what I enjoy as well and we don't have to speak to each other. I know that sounds weird, but as an introvert, too many people can be overwhelming sometimes. I still love you all, I promise!
Since it's my turn to put me first, I intend to do just that. Life is precious and short and I don't want to waste any of it. It's my turn to do it over. It's my turn to live for me. It's my turn...
